Heather & Chopper's Wonderful World of ... » what the hell?

Christmas parade

Heather — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:14:17 +0000

Our Christmas parade in downtown Charleston is one of the most random collection of people and things I have the pleasure to witness all year, and this year was no exception. I was holding out hope for cops on Segways all decorated for the holiday, but maybe next year.

KING TUT WITH BUBBLES!

We really hoped that the driver of this eighteen-wheeler was a trainER, not a trainEE, considering the rather sharp left turns that are necessary to get the truck on the parade route.

Basset hounds!

… and a tree made out of chain link.

The rest of my photos are on Flickr.

Spotted at the grocery store

Heather — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 02:49:40 +0000

I want to meet the person who thinks pancake batter in a spray can is a good idea.

Here comes trouble

Heather — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 01:38:23 +0000

I’ve been asked occasionally where my “scpetrel” handle comes from — no, it’s not “South Carolina Pet Relationships,” although that’s a good guess. No, it’s really not. Sorry. My alma mater’s mascot is a stormy petrel, which is a seafaring bird akin to an albatross. It was the favorite bird of James Edward Oglethorpe, who founded the state of Georgia and gave his name to the university. I wrote a features piece for the college paper back in the day about the origins of said mascot, including some original source citations about the poor petrels (which are oily birds) being set on fire in a storm so that the sailors could follow them to land. I am not making this up, I swear. Anyway, how’s this for a word of the day? I like the second definition.

Here’s a bad idea for you

Heather — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 23:24:00 +0000

I spotted this in the break room at work and couldn’t help but take a photo. Food poisoning, anyone?

There’s a market for everything, it seems

Heather — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 03:10:16 +0000

To any of you who doubt that the world will be coming to a terrible end soon, let me show you one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse.

It’s a an electric toothbrush with a remote monitor.

In the words of Lewis Black:
” … the left hand side of the brain looks at the right hand side and goes, ‘It’s dark in here, and we may die.’”

What kinds of questions do stupid people ask?

Heather — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 03:36:13 +0000

We’re in Atlanta for a few days and went to the Georgia Aquarium today. Chopper and Helen overheard a comment that I am just relieved that I didn’t. We were in front of the penguin exhibit and a genius said:

“Oh look, they put bands on the penguins so they don’t fly away!”

There is no possible way I would have been able to keep my mouth shut. Not Possible. Some poor child is going to be traumatized later when she learns that penguins don’t fly.
Another genius comment, although not as bad, came in front of the sea lion exhibit. “Are those fish or mammals?”

And finally: “What is that fish with the saw?” while holding a card identifying said fish as a “sawtooth shark.”

Dear Lord. Today’s Quote of the Day from Scott Adams seems apt: “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”

Nope.

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer … you know the rest.

Heather — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 03:48:13 +0000

What cop has so little to do in his professional life that he runs the plates on the Wienermobile? Seriously.

27-foot wiener gets cop roasted - CNN.com

Can I have a blowgun?

Heather — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:07:53 +0000

This is really an exercise in seeing how long it takes Chopper to spot this and say “No.” But seriously, a blowgun with stun darts?!?!?! I’m so there. It’s even better than a titanium spork, and maybe even more useful.

Blowguns and blow gun accessories, darts, paintballs

Police rescue 91-year-old man glued to roof

Heather — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 02:01:22 +0000

Chopper and I (well, okay, mostly me) had a good laugh at someone’s expense during this week’s podcast of Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me — a new story about an unfortunate old man who got trapped rather like a bug. The joke was “91 year old men walk in, but they don’t walk out.” Mean … but funny.

British efficiency?

Heather — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 01:10:30 +0000

Occasionally, in our cubicle-filled world, we forget that it is possible to take ourselves too seriously. Such is the case with a $13+ million efficiency study conducted in the U.K., where such doppler concepts as inactive vs. active fruit were defined. I can’t make this stuff up. Don’t believe me? Here’s the article from The Mail.

What, you ask, makes a fruit (specifically noted, a banana) active? If you are going to eat said banana in the immediate future, it is active and can remain on a desktop. If the banana is inactive, e.g. meant for later consumption, it should be stowed in a desk drawer. One presumes that the desk drawer will have some ventilation to avoid spoiled fruit. An additional winner: the placement of black tape on the desktops to ensure that commonly accessed items like staplers and pens are placed in places meant to ensure ergonomic efficiency.

Now, I am as much of a fan of organization as the next person. Ask Chopper about our ongoing dispute about the appropriate placement of stuff on the kitchen table. I also own not one, but two label makers, one for work and one for home. But, in my defense, no one ever paid me $13 million to define my little quirks for every civil servant in a country.