Heather & Chopper's Wonderful World of ... » i am dumb

It’s the only thing that tastes like red and green

Heather — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:08:28 +0000

In lieu of an apology for missing my photo-a-day for yesterday, I will post today’s photo, which I think serves as an explanation.

Original recipe NyQuil D has to be purchased behind the counter, which is amusing: why make meth out of something that will mess you up so nicely on its own? If you aren’t familiar with the Lewis Black quote which serves as my title, go listen to it.

Adventures with windshield wiper fluid

Heather — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:20:49 +0000

I had a hilarious moment involving windshield wiper fluid. I was a bit miffed yesterday at the Saturn guys for not filling my windshield wiper fluid tank up when I bought the car … and this morning on the way to work, a seagull takes dead aim at my windshield, directly in my line of vision. Thanks, buddy.

So, I pull over, wait behind 14 people buying hard-to-find items, get my bottle, and go back to the car to fill it. Now, I’m not the most automotively savvy person, but I can generally put windshield wiper fluid in my car. This is the first time I’ve popped the hood on the new car, so naturally I can’t find the little switch and have to hunt through the owner’s manual. Get the hood open, finally, and go to fill up the tank … only to find, genius, that it’s FULL. I get back in the car, refer again to said owner’s manual for the correct way to use the wipers, and sheepishly clean bird crap off my windshield.

I am so glad I didn’t call and yell at the Saturn guys.

Am I an adult now?

Heather — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 22:04:06 +0000

After 5 years with my Malibu … I traded it in today for a 2007 Saturn Ion (in golden cashmere, if you’re curious) and am now proudly driving, yes, My First New Car. Some observations about the car buying purchase.

It was nice to have a reference point (via Edmunds.com) of what my trade-in was worth so I felt like I was getting a decent offer there.
Always call for a payoff amount for a car loan. Although I thought I had paid it off, I actually owed $1.67 on my Malibu. (One dollar, sixty seven cents. Seriously.) The Saturn guys thought that was priceless and gave me an extra $2.00 for my Malibu so we could pay it off. Ha, ha, ha.
Fabric protection from dealer: $499. A can of Scotchgard from Target and a headache from the fumes: $5.67 and 2 Advil.
How much crap could I possibly have accumulated in my car? Two shopping bags worth. Good god.
Finding a tater tot under the front seat was a little embarrassing. I told the Saturn guys they could keep it as part of my trade-in.
Saturn really was as nice and pressure-free as their rep says they are.
The personal demonstration of dent-resistant door panels involves a Saturn guy kicking the $%^@%$ out of the door and me cringing. Door 1, Foot 0.

Anyway, I’m traded-in and upgraded and whatnot, and I am considering camping out to give evil looks to anyone who gets too close to my baby.

April Fool’s for the Foolish

Heather — Sat, 02 Apr 2005 21:17:22 +0000

I admit being taken in by ThinkGeek.com‘s April Fool’s Day pranks … my favorite is the Desktop USB Fondue Set, although SnoozAlert is a close second. Based on my earlier comments about Pong, you might find the Executive Pong Set amusing as well.